Ihavenosoul.avi

So, a couple of years ago, I was on YouTube, watching videos related to SpongeBob. After watching one video, I saw a related video that caught my eye. It was titled, “Ihavenosoul.avi”. I was curious, knowing that it was a line from the episode, Just One Bite, when SpongeBob says that Krabby Patties are good for your soul and Squidward replies, “Oh please! I have no soul!” as it shows Squidward with a serious look and a background of Hell.

I clicked on it and it began normally with the aforementioned events occurring. Then, the strangest thing happened; as it showed the demonic Hell background, Squidward’s facial features melted off, not his head shape or anything, but his eyes, nose, and mouth line.

All of a sudden, the sound of SpongeBob, Patrick, Sandy, Mr. Krabs, and all of the cast screaming played at once. Their screams were played at a ear raping loud volume and were edited to be G-Major and also slowed down to the point of sounding demonic.

I literally jumped out of my skin when I heard that. As all the screaming played, the screen started flashing violently and images of abortion, the Holocaust, ISIS beheadings, horrific human experiments, dead and gutted children, the exorcism of Anneliese Michel, and other disturbing things appeared subliminally.

It then cut to Bikini Bottom on fire. The screaming had stopped, but there was now what sounded like demonic chanting and prayers being played. A frame flashed over the screen and I attempted to pause it right when it flashed; needless to say, it was horrific.

It was a poster with the old Nickelodeon splat logo on top with words in bold below reading, “Human Child Experimentation. Do not under any circumstances release this footage to the public or air on television.”

I then heard Squidward say in that demonic, slowed down G-Major voice, “Planet Earth is dying... All life will cease to exist...”. It even sounded like his voice actor, Roger Bumpass, was saying it, not a fan imitation.

After Squidward said that line, it cut to a claymation sequence of Planet Earth withering, rotting, and decaying, as the voice of SpongeBob said with the same distortion as Squidward, “The guardians of this planet can’t save you now. Give into slavery and give up your freedom, insolent weaklings.”

Like with Squidward’s voice, it was his actual voice actor, Tom Kenny, saying it. It didn’t even have the cheerfulness that SpongeBob’s voice has. It sounded menacing and threatening.

Then... everything went silent. No noise. Nothing was on screen. It was just a blank screen. Not even a black screen, just blank grey.

Text faded in, bold like the one on the poster, it read:

“The end of freedom and happiness begins today.”

Then, the video ended abruptly. I was very shocked at what I saw. I just couldn’t believe that the actual crew from the show made that awful video.

I checked the channel name, which was just a series of numbers and letters that didn’t really make sense. The description only read, “This planet belongs to Lucifer, our true lord.”

I was absolutely appalled by that statement. Sure, I was an atheist, but I thought it was sick and twisted that they would take away freedom from our children and us just for their fucked up god.

Suddenly, I was redirected to the YouTube homepage. Confused, I checked my search history for the video to no avail.

Was the whole thing a hallucination or was it real? To this day, I have no clue.